look into my eyes do i look bovvered

Every so often I get a snotty, stroppy little email which strikes a chord and provokes a need for a sharp professional but strongly worded rebuff.

Here's the blue print: always start with a subtle spelling mistake - your respondent's name - that's bound to piss them off and even in this modern world the spell checker is not going to pick it up, so you can't really be blamed e.g. Sandy becomes Cindy.

Then say thank-you, that your are dealing with it, that it will be resolved, that the problem is in hand, that it is unlikely to grow, stress your awareness of whatever it is that they have pounced on in no uncertain terms. Rub it in a little by saying that although it's not the highest priority item you now want to get it resolved - now it's hardly personal and you couldn't give a hoot (yeah tis Lent, my language has improved without alcohol but I am finding this little twitchy shudder a bit annoying) but it's the thought that counts. Then blame somebody or something else in part for the delay...as soon as so-and-so responds, then we can take the appropriate action it always helps if that person is higher up on the food chain than the complainee.

Then delegate the action - Andy will keep you informed, (if you can) otherwise just say that you will pass on the appropriate updates.

Regards,

......

And all of this after my dentist told me to be careful not to bite my tongue, I may have been momentarily conversationally numb but I know how to bite back in the mail, snotty, snotty snotty me.