no i haven't been drinking

They say that there are two sure ways of increasing your blog readership - sell t-shirts and do mailbags. Since neither increasing my readership nor selling t-shirts appeal to me I thought I'd do a faux mailbag. The following questions have been generated by the random monster dot com question tool. Here's how to effectively deal with this sort of question and more.

Give me an example of a time that you felt you went above and
beyond the call of duty in your previous employment.

Well this year I shall be pimping my letterbox before the 14th arrives,
I'm thinking of a chute of sorts, you know that post-office theft is on the
decline so there is every chance that I will receive all of my teddy bears, chocolates and kisses blah de blah valentines day. I don't want to be accused of not being pro-active about this sentimental tid-bit of commercialization, you know I'm a go getter by nature.

What do you see yourself doing within the first 30 days of this
job?

How about drawing a salary after 22 working days, visiting the toilets,
surfing the net, firing off random mails to large lists with
don't reply to all at the bottom - ooh you know, I just plan to blend in, make
the odd mistake but nothing to disastrous, I do want to draw that salary.

Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball?

No idea, try googling, maybe the wiki has the answer, see tennis balls.

Can you describe a time when your work was
criticized?

I have got this dandy cellphone ring, which has its melodic roots in some
Scandinavian nu-jazz tune, it's pretty funky. I caught a bit of flak for that,
it was just too cool, people felt a bit left out and I didn't want that, so I
kept the tune but made the ring tone softer, now I miss more calls but at least
my fellow workers are happy.

Do you think Gnarls is crazy about all that cellphone ring tone ?

Do you have plans to have children in the near
future?

Biologically that's going to be a problem, I know you are
thinking snip, but blokes can still only have metaphoric babies in this day and age. Although you never know, maybe I will go adopt a Hollywood celebrity baby, a kinda cultural exchange programme of sorts.

Why should we hire you?

Because the competition might take a flyer.

What’s your salary history?

Interesting and with room for improvement.


Give examples of ideas that you had or that you
implemented?

I have compiled some great playlists for my itunes shuffle, gyming is so much better with good music and it requires a fair amount of conceptualization to get it right, weights, treadmill, looking cool, it's not as easy as it appears.

Why are you leaving your present job?

For that improvement that we spoke about earlier, yes you were all writing
so I suspect you've got it.

What did you least like about your last job?

In the interest of time and social harmony lets just say - the
work - (sigh) - would suffice by way of answer.

What do you look for in terms of culture - structured or entrepreneurial?

I think the correct answer would be a bit of both, and somebody said to say that, "I prioritize people," and this would be as good a time as any to mention that I do, do that - I am a people's person.

What are you most proud of?

The fact it's the 9th and I already have a date for the 14th, ok I'll spill the beans, I will be visiting my dentist at two, she'll be filling me in, I like the ambiguity of that last statement but it's a check up.

How would you go about establishing your credibility
quickly with the team?

From the first espresso that we share together, I shall stress, quality, bean and attitude of the drink. I will also tell them to look out for the new Blue Six album and that I know who's going to win the Champions League.

I know that you are running late - I don't have any questions but if I think of any I will email them to you.

Thank-you and bon weekend.

And I apologize in advance if you battled to get through to the site today but with all the hits, I don't think that blogger could quite frankly cope.